Making changes and goals

Todd and I are making some goals for changing, and I thought I'd share the process, if you want to make some personal or family goals yourself.

First, write the general goal (for example, "being on time/ not being late")

Next, answer the following questions as a couple or as a family (even if it's a personal goal, you can see how you changing something would affect the family) for each goal that you make:
1. Why do we need to change this problem? What and who suffers because of this problem? What is life like with this problem the wat it is now? Short term and long term consequences if it stays the way it is now:
2. What do you think would be different if we didn't have this problem? What would it be like if we were already perfect at this problem? short term and long term consequences if it changes to the way we want it to be:
3. What issues do we have that have created the problem in regarding how we approach the problem? Why are we having this problem?
4. What types of things do we need to do differently regarding how we approach the problem?

Then, write down the details and baby steps in reaching the goal. (For example, This week's goal: Sat. night set out the family's church clothes and shoes and take showers; set an alarm for 7am; so we can be to church on time.)

Then post the general goal with the answers underneath it and then the week's goals somewhere where you'll see it often, like the fridge or door or something. That way when your motivation starts to wain, you can look at it and remind yourself why you are doing it.

In my book, it said not to give up too soon. It takes a while to develop a new habit and kick the old habit. It will be hard, so don't give up and then say, "See, I tried and failed (again)." You'll have set backs, but just keep trying and readjusting your baby step goals. For example, if you hate cleaning the bathrooms, your week's goal is not "cleaning the bathrooms", it could be "wipe down the toilet seat". Then the next goal could be "wipe down the whole toilet in one bathroom." Break things down into really baby steps if you need to.

Each week, review your goal by giving yourself a score (or something) and write it down: "I was on time to everything except my dr's appointment. score 9." Take note of things that have improved and those that are still problematic. Review baby steps and all that good stuff.

One great thing the book said about avoiding:
If you find yourself avoiding something, first realize that you are avoiding, then stop and think about it. In the book it says, "Negative thoughts about a situation make a person avoid the situation because they 1. feel worse and 2. expect the outcome of the situation to be negative. Avoidance can lead to more anxiety, restlessness, and perhaps irritability or depression; the task doesn't get done, and the person feels even worse about it." Usually it's not as bad as we think it's going to be once we do it anyway.

Here's a chart to fill out when you find you are avoiding, with an exmple. After filling out the chart, just make yourself do whatever it is you are avoiding by breaking it down into baby steps. (as in the cleaning the bathrooms example)
time and situation:
At home, thinking about doing my taxes
Automatic thoughts:
This is going to be so much work.
I am never going to find everything I need to.
I am going to get audited.
I am going to end up having to pay so much money.
Mood and intensity:
I feel overwhelmed (8 out of 10)
I feel anxious (7.5)
I feel frustrated (8)
Thinking errors:
Jumping to conclusions
catastrophizing
fortune telling

They have a whole page on thinking errors. In my classes in grad school, I thought learning about thinking errors was one thing that was really really helpful for me. If you want to learn more about thinking errors (and you should), I can email you my list or you can google search thinking errors.

Good luck to us and you!