spoiled brats vs. grateful and helpful

Something happened today to make this transition a lot easier for me.

I took my kids to their spanish class today, and afterwards I wanted to talk to one of my friends for a little bit. It makes me feel a lot better when I get to talk to someone about the things I'm going through, and she's pregnant and homeschooling and a good friend.

My boys, however, were being quite rude. They were whining and complaining the whole time. I told them, "let's make a deal. I know it's not fun to wait for me, but I would like to talk with my friend. How about I talk for 15 more minutes and then we will go." Nathan said, "No deal." and they incessantly whined and complained the whole time.

When we got in the car, I told them I was very disappointed in their behavior. I only talked for about 20 or 30 minutes with my friend. Then Nathan interjected, "To me it was 2 hours." I explained that the reason I am having a lot of anxiety and having to cut things out is because everything I do is for them. Piano lessons, homeschool, library storytime, spanish class, friday fun class, on and on and on --I do all for them. I asked when the last time I did something for myself. "We went to Home Depot last week." I replied, "During our vacation. And I took you to Jumping Jacks yesterday and you complained the whole time there, too."

My blood was starting to boil. I do everything for my kids, and they were completely ungrateful and unwilling to sacrifice 30 minutes for me. They whine and complain all the time. Are they, dare I say, turning into spoiled brats?? I WILL NOT let my kids be spoiled brats.

I told them that in our family we need to have give and take, that we take turns helping out each other. That it's not all about them. I don't blame them, kids are naturally self-centered, and I remember being the same way as a kid to my parents. It's my job, however, to teach them to think about others, especially in the family. I told the boys that since they weren't respectful of my time, that their video game privileges were lost. Nathan screamed and cried and told me I wasn't allowed to touch him for 18 days. To which I responded, that is not being respectful and now I will not take you to library time this afternoon. He cried some more.

When we got home I told them that they needed to help make lunch- tacos. Alex was a great helper, and Nathan, still crying (which I ignored), was supposed to grate the cheese. Nathan said I was being mean to him. I told him that I wasn't yelling, that I wasn't mad, that I loved him, but he had a consequence (and I do think that it's a logical consequence). I remained calm and happy and when Nathan realized that he wasn't getting his way he stopped crying and just did his job. I told them they're going to help out a lot more- helping with everything in fact, and I am going to point out everything (every little thing) that I do for them and tell them to say thank you and be grateful for it. I told them there is a difference between whining and comlaining and voicing their opinions (Thank you for taking us to Jumping Jacks. I'm bored now, can we go home? --and if the answer is no, they drop it instead of whining and complaining).

Instead of my kids being spoiled brats, I want to teach them to help out and be grateful. Wouldn't it be wonderful if they are at a friend's house for dinner and they offer to help make dinner? Or say thank you for this and that, and then get up to help put away the dinner? And won't it be wonderful when they are married, for them to show gratitude and offer to help instead of expecting things to be done for them?

Last soap box paragraph: I'm not helping them by doing stuff for them, even though as a mother I think we want to, and it's good to. However, when Alex helped make the tacos today, he was very proud of himself, and couldn't wait to tell Todd that he knew how to make tacos all by himself. If I had made the lunch for them, the kids wouldn't have had that sense of pride and start learning life skills.