Alex

We started a new thing where every month of the kids' birthdate (Alex's birthday is Aug. 12 so every 12th of the month) is their "special day". I got this idea from another mom in my homeschool group. On that day the kids don't have to do chores, they get to choose the dinner, and they go on a date with mom or dad (rotating). For Alex's date we went miniature golfing (no stitches this time, but a few close calls! Be careful around Alex when he's holding a golf club!) and played a few games at the arcade. (We're trying not to make food a part of it at all.) Alex was so cute. He kept telling me how much fun he was having. It was fun to spend time with just him.

Alex got new glasses! He's so cute! He was extremely excited about them. Now he has glasses like his cousin Dallin! Nathan is a bit jealous.

boys' writing

Nathan:
How would you eat all the ice cream in the world?
I would shrink it by getting a magic flower. And I would shrink it. And I would eat it.

How would you make the best pizza in the world?
I would make my own recipe. And I would buy expensive stuff.

Alex:
How would you make three wishes?
I would search and search for a magic lamp. I would wish for an ice cream sundae, a swimming pool and a house.

Making changes and goals

Todd and I are making some goals for changing, and I thought I'd share the process, if you want to make some personal or family goals yourself.

First, write the general goal (for example, "being on time/ not being late")

Next, answer the following questions as a couple or as a family (even if it's a personal goal, you can see how you changing something would affect the family) for each goal that you make:
1. Why do we need to change this problem? What and who suffers because of this problem? What is life like with this problem the wat it is now? Short term and long term consequences if it stays the way it is now:
2. What do you think would be different if we didn't have this problem? What would it be like if we were already perfect at this problem? short term and long term consequences if it changes to the way we want it to be:
3. What issues do we have that have created the problem in regarding how we approach the problem? Why are we having this problem?
4. What types of things do we need to do differently regarding how we approach the problem?

Then, write down the details and baby steps in reaching the goal. (For example, This week's goal: Sat. night set out the family's church clothes and shoes and take showers; set an alarm for 7am; so we can be to church on time.)

Then post the general goal with the answers underneath it and then the week's goals somewhere where you'll see it often, like the fridge or door or something. That way when your motivation starts to wain, you can look at it and remind yourself why you are doing it.

In my book, it said not to give up too soon. It takes a while to develop a new habit and kick the old habit. It will be hard, so don't give up and then say, "See, I tried and failed (again)." You'll have set backs, but just keep trying and readjusting your baby step goals. For example, if you hate cleaning the bathrooms, your week's goal is not "cleaning the bathrooms", it could be "wipe down the toilet seat". Then the next goal could be "wipe down the whole toilet in one bathroom." Break things down into really baby steps if you need to.

Each week, review your goal by giving yourself a score (or something) and write it down: "I was on time to everything except my dr's appointment. score 9." Take note of things that have improved and those that are still problematic. Review baby steps and all that good stuff.

One great thing the book said about avoiding:
If you find yourself avoiding something, first realize that you are avoiding, then stop and think about it. In the book it says, "Negative thoughts about a situation make a person avoid the situation because they 1. feel worse and 2. expect the outcome of the situation to be negative. Avoidance can lead to more anxiety, restlessness, and perhaps irritability or depression; the task doesn't get done, and the person feels even worse about it." Usually it's not as bad as we think it's going to be once we do it anyway.

Here's a chart to fill out when you find you are avoiding, with an exmple. After filling out the chart, just make yourself do whatever it is you are avoiding by breaking it down into baby steps. (as in the cleaning the bathrooms example)
time and situation:
At home, thinking about doing my taxes
Automatic thoughts:
This is going to be so much work.
I am never going to find everything I need to.
I am going to get audited.
I am going to end up having to pay so much money.
Mood and intensity:
I feel overwhelmed (8 out of 10)
I feel anxious (7.5)
I feel frustrated (8)
Thinking errors:
Jumping to conclusions
catastrophizing
fortune telling

They have a whole page on thinking errors. In my classes in grad school, I thought learning about thinking errors was one thing that was really really helpful for me. If you want to learn more about thinking errors (and you should), I can email you my list or you can google search thinking errors.

Good luck to us and you!

ADHD medicine

I went to the dr. today to get some medicine for ADHD. I thought it would be a long drawn out process, but the dr. came in and said, "So, do you have ADHD?" I said yes. I told him I've read books about it, and that I was a school counselor so I know about it. I haven't wanted to do medicine until now, because now it's at the point where I can't do 4 kids and homeschool and be the kind of mom and wife I want to be without making some changes. He said, "Do you have a medicine you want to start with?" I said Adderall XR. I said I wanted to start on a low dose. He said he usually starts at 20mg which is about a medium. I said I'll start out at 15mg and come back in a week. He said ok and gave me the prescription. Cool! I went straight to the pharmacy and got the medicine. I took the medicine at 12:22 and it's now 4:24 and I have noticed a huge difference so far. First, my mind doesn't feel like a tornado. I feel calm and focused. Second, I don't feel overwhelmed. I feel calm and feel able to handle things. I am able to concentrate and focus. I was doing something and I got a text from Todd to check my email about something exciting, but I was able to not get distracted and wait until I was done with what I was working on before I checked my email. (More about that email later). I was reading and I was noticing a huge difference in my ability to focus and absorb what I was reading. Before today, I would have to read something over and over again to absorb it. I also feel more patient. I interrupt people because I am too impatient to wait for them to finish what they are saying, but when I was talking on the phone, I felt so much more in control and able to be patient and not interrupt! I feel so much more in control= less impulsive. And this is only a low dose, and the first few hours!! I have been taking medicine for anxiety and depression, which is often a misdiagnosis for ADHD (but can also coexist with ADHD) and after a few hours of taking this medicine, I'm thinking that I don't have anxiety and depression, just ADHD. I thought I'd feel side affects (one good side affect though is appetite suppresion) but I don't feel any. I know this isn't a magic pill that will fix all of my weaknesses, though, but I need this in order to make my efforts successful. Taking medicine, along with exercising and doing the strategies I'm reading about in the ADHD book will hopefully make things a TON better for me and my family. One bad thing about this medicine, though, is that I can't nurse anymore. I do think that the benefits to all of my family is worth it, though. I do feel bad that I can't nurse, I've nursed all of my kids, but at least I could nurse her for her first 7 weeks. I know nursing is important, but only me and my family know our situation and can weigh out the pros and cons. I'm worried about people giving me guilt about not nursing.
I will post about Todd's email later, because I have to do a lot of backed-up cleaning and other things!

fathers day on the patio

Father's Day dinner on the patio. The beautiful roses are from the climbing rose out front. It's got beautiful roses all over it and it smells so good!

I think Katherine is hungry. She climbed in her chair and lifted her plate and said, "Eat!"
Happy Father's Day, Todd! Sorry you had to make your own dinner. Thanks so much for making such a yummy dinner! You are the best husband and dad in the world. Thanks for putting up with me. I love you so much! ...and thanks for my back yard:)!!!!

pics

After paying a $200 library fine (it was $250, but they only charged us $200), we are going to the library again. This is one of the books Nathan picked out:

Abbie at the park sleeping:
I tried curling Katherine's hair a bit with the flat iron and cut the back just a bit so it would be even (she has pink eye today in one eye):

bridge

I got a little bridge for the kids to walk on to go from the patio to the sandbox:

I'll write a post update later. I have a fussy baby.

Pictures

The cute boys with brownie mix on their faces:
Alex is so good with Abbie:

Katherine is so cute with her baby sister. She always holds her hand:

Alex and Nathan have been reading a ton. They like to read the Treehouse books and then do activities that have to do with the book they read:

Abbie sleeping with her bum in the air:

Abbie awake and cute!

ADD

Well, I decided that what I needed to do was to do something about my ADD that I found out I had just before getting pregnant with Abbie. So, I have 5 books that I am going to read to help me, and I'm going to see about getting on some medicine. The 5 books:
The Ultimate Career (aka the guide to housekeeping for dummies)
The Parenting Breakthrough (aka the guide to how to have your kids help you with housekeeping for dummies)
Get Organized with Heloise (book my mom gave me)
Mastering Your Adult ADHD (a cognitive behavioral workbook)
More Attention, Less Deficit: Success Strategies for Adults with ADHD

frustrated

I am frustrated that I'm not being the kind of mom that I want to be. I'm not giving the boys enough attention, I want to do homeschooling really well, etc. etc. I am "scattered" and everything is chaos, and I don't keep my house clean, and this is not the kind of mother I want to be. I don't even know how to change. I don't want to have any regrets when my kids are grown about the kind of mother I am. How do I be the kind of mother I want to be???

Our new yard pictures!

Our yard is in!!!! Thank you so much Todd!!!!!! I'm so happy!!!

Front yard from the window:
back yard from the window:

back yard from the window. Where the puddle is, is where the playhouse will be:

Us eating on our patio for the first time (sans grass):

front yard (with caution tape around it to keep out kids and neighborhood dogs):

front planter bed. I need to add mulch and path lights we have in the garage. I put in a bunch of little perennials so hopefully in a few years this will have all grown in. I planted climbing roses under the columns:

back yard flagstone patio. i put groundcover plants in between the flagstones, hopefully they will grow between the stones. The patio is all dirty right now. There is a flagstone pathway that goes from that circle patio in the corner (future swinging bench) to the sandbox on the side of the house:

I LOVE the lamp posts! It looks so pretty at night. All the dirt is where I will add: a hedge around the fence, shade trees, bushes and flowers.

the patio:

The steps from the house to the patio are stone:

The first tree we have in the back yard:

I planted climbing vines to cover the ugly siding on the house:

There's an outlet on the right for a water fountain or little stream in the future:

In the front on the side, there is a little flower bed (here is a climbing rose) and a path that goes along the side of the house to the backyard:

The path that goes to the back yard. Future sight of bushes, trees and flowers:

update

We are having some yard work done and it's almost finished! I'll post pictures next week when it's done. I am so excited! I have been planning/obsessing over the backyard plans for 3 or 4 years now and it's finally being realized! It's fun to see what the plans I've had on paper look like in real life. It won't be ALL done, but we'll have the foundation done. This year we got 48 cubic yards of dirt ( A LOT of dirt), PLUS 6 cubic yards of garden dirt for the front, flowers for the front, sprinklers, a patio and walkways, electrical work, post lights and grass. I've been telling Todd thank you VERY much for my dream yard!! He's been working really hard on extra jobs so we could do this. He is so so nice to do this for me!! It's going to look so nice!

I don't think things with the kids are getting any easier, but I am getting more used to it. Katherine isn't having as many meltdowns, but Abbie is getting fussy a lot. I think she might be cholicky. However, I am loving having all of my kids here, and I have the perfect family: a wonderful husband, and 2 sweet boys and 2 cute girls. I am THE luckiest girl in the world! I almost had a heart attack yesterday because I was thinking about trees for the back yard, and thinking that in about 10 years they would be big and shady, and then I realized that Alex will be EIGHTEEN in 10 years, and heading off to college! I thought kids were kids for longer! Next year he'll be 9, and that's half way to being grown up! I only have 10 years to read him lots of books, play with him and teach him everything I want to! 10 years ago Todd and I got married, and that didn't seem like that long ago. I better spend more time with my kids...and buy bigger trees.

dr. appointment

We went to the dr. today. Abbie is 3 weeks old tomorrow and she's already gained 1lb 3 oz! Katherine is only in the 10th percentile for height and weight. The boys as babies were always 100+ percentile. Abbie is sleeping tons still and is doing great.

We are getting our yard done starting on Friday and I am SO extremely excited!!

This is hard!

The last few days have been pretty tough! Yesterday Nathan was hanging on the towel rack and it broke off and put a hole in the wall. Then I looked out the window and the boys were playing in the mud and were putting mud on the neighbor's driveway. Then they came inside to take a shower and got mud all over the house. Then Alex accidentally knocked down the shower curtain. We went to the plant shop and Katherine ran out into the street before I found her. Both girls had poop explosions. Katherine is still having meltdowns most of the day. This morning she fell off the bed and hit the bed frame and her head was bleeding-thank goodness no stitches, though. Yesterday Katherine kept getting out the door because the boys were outside and I couldn't grab her because I was nursing, so Alex was chasing after her. All my dishes are dirty. I went to go get something for dinner yesterday and my van battery was dead. Yesterday Nathan was digging in my flowerbed and dug up one of my flowers. Endless laundry.

This is hard!!! Thank goodness Todd has been helping me so much!!!

Things that kept me sane: My kids are cute, my husband is spectacular, and I spent $100 on plants. Oh...and not being pregnant anymore- I'd much rather take this than pregnancy any day!

Baby Abbie is born

Until we get the pack and play, Abbie is sleeping in the doll crib, just like Katherine did when she was first born:) :

My boys:

The boys with the baby:

Katherine with her sister. When she wants to hold the baby she says, "hold! hold!":

When I got home, Katherine "helped" me make some brownies. After we got the brownies in the oven, I was doing the dishes and turned around and found that she was licking the bowl and had put my sunglasses on. Silly girl:

Alex was really sad when it was time to go home the second night, so he stayed the night with me in the hospital that night. We had some good Alex Mommy time and watched tv and ordered snacks. In the morning we had breakfast in bed together. Then Todd came to pick us up and take us home! We brought Katherine's old car seat, but couldn't get the straps to the lower setting, so Todd had to run to the store and buy a new car seat before we could leave.

When Alex stayed with me, I asked him to hold the baby while I went to the bathroom. I told him to make sure not to drop her. He said, "Will you turn off the tv so I won't be tempted to watch it?" He's such a good big brother:

Nathan was really bored at the hospital and was anxious to get home to play MX Unleashed:

When the kids came to meet Abbie for the first time, we turned around to ind Katherine with Abbie's paci:

My family is complete!

The proud Daddy with his littlest girl:

Right after delivery her brow was scrunched up:

Abbie's feet:

Abbie at the park on Mother's Day. Precious girl!

Out of all my pregnancies, this one was the hardest! We also found out that the baby's cord was wrapped around her neck. I talked to the dr. about having the baby at 38 weeks instead of 39. 38 weeks was Wed. May 5, and Todd was having a crazy week at work so he asked if we could do it on Friday instead. On Thurs. morning we went to the dr. to do the amnio test to make sure the baby's lungs were mature to have the baby the next day. The amnio showed that there was a bit of meconium in the amniotic fluid so dr. asked if I wanted to have the baby right then. Of course!! So we went home, I grabbed my stuff, freaked out about finding a babysitter, and drove myself to the hospital leaving Todd with the kids at home. Luckily a heavenly angel named Jessica and her husband volunteered to watch the kids, and they ended up spending the night at their house. I didn't think Katherine would go to sleep there, but she did! I arrived at Timpanogos hospital in Orem at 2pm, and they started the IV and antibiotics. They started the pitocin at 4:20 but nothing really happened until Dr. Young broke my water at 7pm. I got my epidural (a very long and painful process this time) at 9pm and I was at 5cm. 45 min. later the baby was on her way! The nurse called the dr. (I had a fantastic nurse by the way, named Monica) and it took him FORTY minutes to get there! I was getting quite anxious. When the dr. got there I pushed the baby out in 1 contraction, and only 2 pushes. She was born at 10:44pm on Thurs. May 6, 7lbs and 18.5 inches. Besides the epidural, that was the easiest and fastest labor and delivery of all! She cried little squeaky baby cries (so cute!) and was perfectly healthy! I was so happy to have my little baby happy and healthy, no c-section and not pregnant anymore!!!!

Today is Sun. and she is 2 1/2 days old. It's Mother's day today and I got the best present ever: a complete family! She sleeps and sleeps and sleeps. I have to wake her up to eat. She is a beautiful baby and I am so happy she is here! I am glad to be back to my old self again: not hormonal, not uncomfortable, and have my energy back, etc. etc. etc. I have been doing a ton of stuff since I got home, just because I have my energy back now and my lungs and heart are not squished up anymore! The kids have been so cute with her. Katherine did not like me setting Abbie in her crib, though. We're going to get a pack-and-play for Abbie so she can sleep in it upstairs at night and I can put it downstairs during the day. Katherine loves to hold her and look at her and rock her in her carseat.